Current mood:

nerdy

I'm Still-I'm Still Jenny From The Block
Setting: Creative Writing, Albertus Hall, Thursday afternoon.

Assignment: A poem.

A tall girl, dressed in an outfit highly reminiscent of Jennifer Lopez, replete with a beaded bandana, sits at her desk, licking a lollipop. The surrounding desks are filled with people of the emo, hipster type. Picture all black, a beret and a Che Guevara shirt. Very scary.

Professor Megan: I think that we’ll begin with our poems today. Do I have any volunteers to go first?

ALF 1: I’ll, go, Megan. (Somberly reads poem about an anti-abortion rally, symbolized by a pacifier, ending with a tear trickling down her cheek, forcing her to take off her thick black glasses to wipe the tear away)

Megan: Well, that was very moving. Let’s hear some feedback.

ALFS 2 through 16: (Shower compliments)

Megan: Mallory, what did you think?

Mallory: Well, I read something very similar to that poem in Cosmo.

ALFS 1 through 16: (Silence)

ALF 1: Cosmo?

Mallory: Yes, you know, Cosmopolitan, the magazine?

ALF 1: That’s not a real magazine. There are no distinguished writers.

Megan: Well, what did you think of the language?

Mallory: I thought that the use of the pacifier was, like, way too obvious. (Snaps gum)

Megan: Interesting. Well, who wants to go next?

ALF 2: (Raises his hand as if it pained him to do so). I’ll read. (Read poem about a leaf falling off of a tree)

Mallory: (Clears throat, rolls eyes, taps pen on the desk)

Megan: Wow. Who wants to comment?

ALF 3: That was just, you know, so tortured. The imagery was just so perfect.

Mallory: (Snaps gum)

ALF 4: What I particularly liked was that the falling leaf was green, meaning that it was young and fell of in spring. It was a very good metaphor for a child’s death.

Mallory: (Sighs)

Megan: Mallory, let’s hear yours. First, let’s see the picture that inspired you.

Mallory: Sure! I was really moved by this picture (Holds up picture of Bennifer on the cover of People Magazine) Lots of emotion in it, you know? (Reads poem)

ALFS 1 through 16: (Stunned silence. Jaws open. Violent hatred and seething disgust in their eyes)

Megan: Well, let’s get some feedback.

ALFS 1 through 16: (Stunned silence)

ALF 5: (Wincing) Jennifer Lopez is an unusual choice of inspiration.

Mallory: Yes, but the picture is just so deep.

Megan: Anybody else?

ALF 6: I think that this buys into the myth of celebrity.

Mallory: What’s the myth of celebrity?

ALFS 1 through 16: (Silence)

Megan: Well, let’s move on.

(The remaining ALFs read stories about pain, loss, hatred, depression. Mallory stares at the ceiling, blows bubbles with her gum and taps her fingernails on the desk)

Megan: Well, those poems were very interesting. I think that some of you might want to work on broadening your horizons. Keep that in mind when you do your portfolio. Let’s move on to fiction.

Class is then assigned an activity where you write an opening line for a short story. The lines will then be put in a hat and you are required to choose one at random and later write a story beginning with that line.

Mallory’s Written Line: "Brandy McDougal's high heels clicked as she walked down the hallway, her Tiffany bracelet glistening in the light and a craving for a caramel martini in her mind"

Mallory’s Chosen Line: “She’s dead, and I’m here, alone”

Mallory has decided that the she in question will be either her poodle Fifi, or her handbag. Either way, it should be excellent.